For years when I would tell people that I’m a therapist, their immediate response would be “Wait, are you analyzing me right now?” with a certain look of worry on their face. I always found this to be somewhat amusing, as that question in itself was the first point into which I’d mentally probe.
What is it about yourself that you are hiding, that you are afraid I’d see? This was a tell tale sign that the person wasn’t doing much self reflection.
For years, I operated on autopilot, believing my thoughts, emotions and actions were reflective of who I am or my personality. “I’m just a control freak, haha” I would repeat to anyone who would question or notice my hypervigilant tendencies, or “I get bored easy” was used as a way of explaining my inability to stay focused or committed. Perhaps you, the reader, can come up with a few excuses you tend to use as ways of explaining certain unconscious patterns. Have you ever wondered where these patterns come from? Why they feel so natural to you?
A few months ago, a new client told me she didn’t understand the point of meddling in the past, or taking apart her belief systems, she wanted to simply not be “so sensitive” and “emotional”. Upon some exploration into those self identifications and their importance, the client was able to recognize that she never had a chance to speak her mind fully in her childhood, was often told she imagined things that hurt her, and was rendered powerless because she stopped trusting herself based on those experiences. She was not “emotional”, but rather emotive, as we all are, but didn’t have the vocabulary or confidence to communicate her feelings effectively, and therefore would battle with them inside. This resulted in emotional outbursts and constant fights with her loved ones.
We can continue to live with a level of unawareness into our patterns, or we can become aware of them, understand how they have served us in the past, and then CHOOSE if we continue with them or not and to what capacity.
Self reflection matters because that is how we begin to understand our triggers and patterns and therefore accept ourselves in a whole new way.
Self reflection matters because it is the only way we can begin to heal from unresolved trauma and pain.
Self reflection matters because it is how we can take back responsibly and choice over our own experience.
My client would agree, I think, as her last email to me ended with “I’m no longer focused on changing others, and that is the most free I’ve ever felt”.
